Parenting: A One Sided Fight

Parenting is not easy. It is not  easy for the child(ren) and it is not easy for the parent(s). No matter how I look at it, parenting is a one sided fight. It is neither won by the child(ren) or the parent(s), but won by what I am calling the “unknown factor.” Trying to keep this short will be difficult, but time is not on my side and I will have to go to sleep at some point.

I want to put it out there that I am in no way, shape, or form a doctor or trained person for this subject. I am just a person who has seen lots of children parent bickering. I am just someone who observes and try to help those that needs someone to talk with. I am just a human being who believes there is a way to better communications between children and parents, but it takes both parties to get this working. If one tries hard and the other doesn’t try at all, I am positive it is never going to solve an issue.

Child(ren)

I was once in your position. Well, not entirely true, but I understand your position. I was once a tough child for my mom. When I first lived with my mom after many years of not being together, I once resented my mom. I did not hate her, for she was my mom, but I dislike the things she did, the rules she set and most of all the nagging and telling me to do things. After growing up some, I came to find that I was not the only one in this situation, and as I found others who felt the same way about their parents, I understood the phrase my mom once said to me, “I am not as strict as you think I am.” I quickly realized I had a great mom and she was actually the least strict out of all the people that I knew. Time passed as I continued to befriend the people who had strict parent(s). I tried to understand where they were coming from, to hear their complaints and to hear their hearts plea for fairness.

If you are reading this and you are young, feel unfair that your parent(s) are strict and harsh on you, know that my heart goes out to you. I have flaws, and I will say that my words may not be all true, but I will give my advice to all you young ones out there. There is more to read after the parents section, and you might want to read a little on that too, if you’re not wanting to read the parents sections.

The “unknown force” is a tough opponent. It is like the bully at school, the friend who pricks your heart little at a time, the boss who you fight against in any game, the Bowser to your Mario, the nightmare to your dreams… and you get the point. It’s not your parent(s) fault that they treat you the way they do. I can say with all confidence that they do not know every answer. First time parents are perhaps the hardest to explain, but strict parent(s) are just… well, strict. To be honest, some parent(s) have tunnel vision, what they see and believe is what they know is best and right for their child(ren) and therefore they’re going to stick to it no matter what, because they believe it is. Whoever on Earth that came up with with that philosophy just got a million bucks if he/she got to sell that idea.

Children of my generation (or younger), do not let your dark hopes bring you down. Believe in yourself, for I believe in you. I know that even my mom believes in you. Here is what I will share with you, and it might not be the best solution for your case, but ultimately, one rule stays the same: BE SMART ABOUT IT.

Generation of computer users, do your research, have proof, back yourself up with facts. Not only from the internet, but from sources on the internet that can be considered legal and taken serious by even your parents. Facts are important, but you don’t want to do it without knowing what you’re looking for. Be the last (or your best choice, never) to be angry. Take the higher road. This is the toughest thing to do. This will not only show character but also put a slap in your parent(s) face without you doing anything. It’s the hardest thing to do, NOTHING. Parents, if you are reading this, I am defending your kid here because he/she needs some help standing up to you, but you have to understand that your child(ren) are human beings too, just like you. How do you like to get yelled at by someone for some the same reasons you yelled/spanked/banned/punished/grounded your child(ren) for. Kids, I’m not saying be mean to your mom or dad, I’m just saying control yourself, and when they start yelling, maybe the softest voice would be the one that wins. It’s hard, but do your best, I encourage you to do it, not once, not twice, but for as long as it takes your parent(s) to realize how childish they are and how much more mature you’re proving yourself to be. Of course don’t just make that an excuse to fight them, only do it if you believe you are being yelled at for some petty reasons, or some reasons that you should not be yelled at.

Stay smart, stay calm, stay polite and say sorry. I know you say sorry a lot, but it’s always never enough, so say it and mean it. After saying it, then proof you mean it, either by doing what you should do, or showing that you can continue to do what you should do. I know chores are not fair, or even standing up to do something such as picking up the remote control, but the higher road can be say of you… you are building character. Or better yet, think of it as a girl or guy that you like asking you for a favor. I do not think that is a better way to go, but if it helps you laugh a little while doing something, it’s better than naught.

Parent(s)

Give your child a break every once in a while. Seriously, do you really know all the answer to life? Have you counted the times you asked your child(ren) to do things for you and the times you say “Thank you” to them? When was the last time you actually hug them, mean it, and then yelled at them the same day for doing something stupid? When was the last time you actually let your child(ren) explain a reason why and you actually put it to heart and accept it even if it’s “I forgot.”

If you could have a chat with my mom (or my sis), you will find out that I forget a lot of things. I forget things that doesn’t seem important to me. I’m a child, I am young, there fore many things are not that important. I will do them when they are, not when they are to you. I don’t understand parent(s) who ask their kids to do every little things. I understand parent(s) do the big things in the house, pay bills, work for money, put food on the table, but so did my mom, and the last time I remember, my mom did not yelled at or punished me because I forgot to take out the trash, she just reminded me. Washing plates was what I had to do for chores, and I did them quite a lot, but there are days where I either just got busy and forgot (yes, I really do forget) or I just didn’t feel like it and would wash it the next day. My mom would either leave it for me to wash the next day (and mind you, I had to wash with hand, not washing machine like most American homes have) or she would just wash it, because she wants her sink to be clean. My mom would remind me I forgot to clean it and told me she’s cleaned it.

I don’t believe parent(s) are lazy, because my mom isn’t. But if there are parent(s) out there who are so lazy that their kids are their maid, then it is a sad world. Unless of course it’s a both sided job where parents do things for their kids as well, little simple things. Then there is no one to blame, but of course me I suppose, if there is someone that needs to be blamed. Give your kids a break some times. Let them say “I forgot” every once in a while.

One thing I know about parent(s) though, and this does include my mom, is that parent(s) will most of the time be stubborn. Here’s what I mean by that: They are set to how they will raise their kids and how their kids should be. They are as stiff as an oak tree, while the kids are as of the bamboo tree. When the wind blows in whatever direction, the oak tree stays there unmoved but the bamboo tree will bend to the winds. Neither one is right or wrong, this is just an allegory. Parents, you have to understand your kids. What’s the point of being a parent and living in your own utopia? You are to teach your kids how to adapt and live life to the fullest with your knowledge and wisdom. You are suppose to help them conquer the fear of the world, not to shelter them from it.

Talk with your child, discuss with them, listen to them. These are important for a child. If you disagree with them, that’s fine, at least you did all these. But here’s the catch… disagree with love. My mom would listen to my plea and discuss with me why she said no. Yes, she did that and that made me a much better person to explain why I said things.

Overall

Communication is key. Yes young ones, the parents can be stubborn and won’t listen to a word you say. Well, if they’re sitting there, say it anyway. Parents, if you think your child is saying something stupid, let them say it anyway. If you truly think it’s idiotic, record it and play the recording back to them, or say the words that they say back to them. If they hear it from the outside, then maybe they know it is, but give them a chance to explain themselves.

Love. I have seen bickering and yelling, but I have also seen love and experienced it. Forgiveness isn’t forgiveness until love covers it. If you forgive someone, bring it up again, then it wasn’t forgiven in the first place. Where’s the love in that. Parents are suppose to love their flesh and blood. If I’m wrong, then I’ve been writing to the wrong crowd. You should not have read all of this, because you were never open minded in the first place, whether you’re the child or the parent. If you’re not open to new ideas to help yourself, because you’re right in what you do, then continue doing what you do. I am not one to stop you, but if your child or parent hates you because of it, here’s my forewarning: “I TOLD YOU SO!”

I once hated my mom and dad for various reasons. Now, I just wish I understood them more and knew where they were coming from. So, I’m sharing my little knowledge and wisdom in hopes that you will learn each other better. Horrible days should never be used outwardly toward your family. Sucky days should not be unleashed on your loved ones. Share with them your sucky days, ask for help or a shoulder to lean on during horrible days. Blaming something  is worse than saying “I forgot.” I truly believe that, because we ourselves are to blame for our actions.

A wise man once said, “No one makes you angry, you made yourself angry.” If you did not get that wisdom, here’s what it meant. Stop blaming others for your actions. You choose how to react. If someone throws a pie at your face, you have some options: 1) Laugh about it. 2) Be mad and yell or beat the other person up. 3) Do nothing about it. 4) Walk away from the situation. 5) Ask the other person why. 6) Start a food fight. Of course there’s more options, but if you are truly honest with yourself, the things you do are all from your own choices. They determine the outcome. The quote is one that parents hate to hear when they’re a little upset because a child did something wrong or stupid. I always bring that up with my mom and she hates those words, but when you think about it, down into the core, it’s true. Your reaction to situation proofs of your character, virtue, integrity, and output on life in general. So don’t be a sourpuss and ruin people’s day because you had a bad day. Work your way to making your bad day better.

No one makes you angry, you made yourself angry.

Hot Debate… I Stand Unmoved

The hottest debates around America will definitely be the presidential nominees this time of the 4 years. So, the two hottest topic guys, Barack Obama and John McCain.

I’m not huge into politics, not because I don’t want to know what’s going on around me, but it’s the fact that I cannot vote. I’m only a permanent resident; a permanent resident who works, lives, eat, sleeps, and pay taxes like the citizens of America. I get almost everything Americans can have… everything except voting. I guess it’s okay, because I’m not a citizen of America, I shouldn’t have the rights to. I have all the other rights though (I’m pretty sure). I’m a proud to say I’m a Malaysian, don’t get me wrong, but I find that the fact I live in a place (which I thoroughly enjoy) with everything except a say in it doesn’t quite make sense… but I still accept it.

This year’s presidential election has definitely been the one I’ve heard of, know about, and talked about more than any other since 2000 (When I first came to America). It’s been 8 years, and I still know very little. Hey, if I don’t have to vote, I don’t need to know about it; that was my very first thought when it came to voting and politics. But I find that knowledge does have a power over those who are not knowledgeable, no matter how little, it’s still power. So, knowledge can definitely be power ^_^

I admit, I know very little about both sides, and I still stand unmoved. As a Christian, I hear a lot of Christian are biased in saying that we should vote Republican because they stand as the religious ones. The other day, my co-worker was discussing about this whole religion sides and I think they have a point. Before this ever became apparent, there wasn’t a religious side. It’s because there was a majority of Christian that wasn’t voting or maybe unanimous as a majority on one side, the Republican chose to say they’re of the Christian and stand with their morals. You know, convincing people that you have the same morals sure makes someone believe you a lot more. I’m not saying it’s bad or wrong, nor am I saying that the statement is untrue. I’m just saying that it’s a very good tactic. Well, that’s all for this, next up, Violent Video Games. Woo, go Jack Thompson, we gamers love him ^_^ you know it.

Misusing Power

I enjoy driving. I also enjoy observing other people drive around me. The rational (or irrational) decisions drivers make everyday. I would like to talk about regular drivers and our stupidity as drivers, but today, I’m veering toward something I’d like to say “misusing the given power.”

I respect police for what they do and how they keep the streets safe, but there are times I feel police just do what they feel they need to do without thinking as well. Steering traffic while the light’s out on a major street isn’t an easy job, but when police makes their decisions in those situation, they’re not optimal and the best. They forbid certain lanes to move even though there won’t be a collision, such as right turns when the perpendicular lanes are turning left. This isn’t to say that all cops are this way, and I might be judging too harshly, but they are the people who protect the streets that I drive on.

Tonight while driving home, I came across a cop car that was speeding. I admit, I was too, 5MpH above speed limit. I was on the right most lane (3 lanes on this particular street). It was moving with traffic, but the cop was going faster than me. The cop steered through traffic, weaving in and out of traffic, just like almost any other drivers would if he/she was behind slower cars. I didn’t think much of it, cause the cop could drive well. What came to me as a surprise though was that the cop turned on the siren and lights as soon as we reached a red traffic light. He/she was in the front, so obviously stopping traffic to go through it. The light turned green for us regular drivers very soon after and we drove normal. The sad thing is the cop turned off his/her siren, still going at a regular speed, not being in an emergency, as soon as he/she crossed the intersection. Less than 200 yards away was another red light. The cop turned on his/her siren and lights again getting ready to bypass that light when it turned green right before he/she reached it. The cop courteously turned his/her flashing lights off and drive onward passing everyone.

Here’s the dilemma. Was the cop trying to get somewhere in a rush? or was the cop just misusing his/her power. Many might stand up for the cop, but not me. This is the second time in two weeks. The cop was going no where fast enough to be rushing somewhere. He barely made 60MpH on the 50MpH road. No, I do not have a speed detector, but any driver who knows his own speed knows how fast a car next to him/her is driving, in approximate numbers. If he/she was and not trying to rush through traffic, he/she could have left the lights and siren on while driving straight through. Sure the cop might not want to misinform any drivers that he/she is pulling over, but I would think that if you were driving in the middle lane with your lights and siren on, you would want to get pass me instead. Common sense and common courtesy is what I say while driving. It’s sad enough that drivers don’t have enough of that, courtesy that is, but even worse cops misusing their power for their personal drive on the road.