My Life of Roses and Thorns

I was always told I was the happy kid. I love smiling and laughing. I enjoy making people laugh. I love the random things that I do and people giving me a quizzical look. I even enjoy a quiet time of laziness where I just lay on my bed and look up on the ceiling as my fan goes round and round.

I’ve always had an outward of positive. That is until the negative starts to overwhelm me. This blog is more than just an everything blog, it’s an outlet for me. It is a way for me to put down my thoughts using the time I have. Using words to describe my thoughts (this doesn’t say much, since when I use my words in person, they tend to come out in a way that people take them the wrong way). I don’t know how some people do it, but they’ve managed. For me, I’m starting. This responsible life that I call adulthood… this road that will lead me through this season of my life filled with roses and thorns.

I believe that a solid foundation is a good start. I was always striving for a good foundation. I also believe in helping people out. There is no such a thing as too generous. What happens when generosity and foundation clash and having one breaks another? That is when life becomes difficult for the one who chooses to do both. Thus, the story of me.

This is going to be a little personal, but hey, I’m the one who chose to share right. I’m sure most have been in a difficult financial situation. I think I’m at that point where I’m not yet there, but it’s creeping up on me and I see it approaching. For this month, and next, I have vowed against buying any games. No computer or video games. I usually get 1 or 2 each month.

Here’s me. Here’s the world. Now, “me” is now put into “the world” without any coaching besides the idea of “foundation.”

That’s my situation. I was always the housemate who just paid the rent and bill money to the other housemate who did the real rent payment. Not too difficult to figure out how to do that really, but the discipline of sitting down and sorting these out was never instilled in me. Then, I’m all of a sudden paying bills for a house too big for 2 people to live in. Again, not too difficult to do, but the responsibility is way too big for someone who just came out of college and just got an entrance job. Now, I’m saving up money for my wedding that is more than a year away. Again, not a difficult thing to do… if I had all the money I’ve saved up that was spent on things that are other people’s responsibility.

This is where patience for anyone could come thin and perhaps explode. For me, It’s already passed the exploding point. My fuse has lit pass it’s exploding point and continues to lit inside of the explosive (if that is even possible). My mom had a time-share. We both co-owned it. My mom passed away. I continue to pay (since I was in the middle of college). Found out there was insurance on it and insurance will (or should) pay for it all when my mom passed away and reimburse me with the money I’ve paid for. Gave the insurance all the information they needed… over and over again for 6 months. Heard nothing from them. I’ve now been paying time-share for more than 2 years. That money was my savings for a brand new car since I was in college… and changed to my wedding since I got engaged.

Why shouldn’t I stop? Because the guardian who brought my family here to US has said he’s working on it and has a lawyer working to get this settle. The thing is, I deserve to get back the money I’ve spend all these years, and if I cancel the time-share, then I won’t get a fraction of it at all… to my knowledge. How long should one person be patient for in this situation? 1 year? 2 years? 3 years? 7 years?

My mom brought me up with a little pride about money. Never ask for money, never tell people our financial difficulties. I am a firm believer of generosity, but only outwardly. I would think that with all that I have done right, something like this would never happen to me. Being left aside by an insurance company who cares not about their own promises to insure those who justly deserve it. But with all that I have done right, I have also done wrong… and rightly so, an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.

In conclusion… the what-if of my life.

The money I should have would pay for my wedding, the money I could have saved up would get me a new car, and the money I could be saving would get me into a nice 2-bedroom apartment.

I am No More Eligible

That’s right, I’m off the market. As of September 19th, 2009, I am engaged to the lovely Miss Chelsea. No juicy details, sorry. I think down the road, we’ll do a couple’s blog, how we get to each others’ throat and annoy each other, but until then, probably nothing much to say. I’ll say this though, I asked the question at the spot we first kissed. Yea, I’m a romantic sap and I remember some of these things. Enough to get me by probably. As much as I forget, the important ones to remember are probably first date, first kiss, date of when I ask her to start going out with me, probably our engagement date, and our wedding date. Oh yea, and her birthday. I can’t foresee anything else being super duper important to remember >_< I’m not trying to say I don’t try, but I tend to forget things very very easily. I think she knows that’s how I am.

My whole ordeal with not being online just stems from not wanting to spoil the surprise. I don’t know if you’ve realized it or not, but I tend to blab on about certain things that I should not have prior to a certain time and etc.

We have not set a date and I will not write too much about any of those mushy gushy stuff here. This is almost like a public journal for all to read, but it’s most definitely about me personally and my thoughts about life and the world. So, I’ll leave it at that and there will be other blogs to read for their own purpose.

Now, back to working hard, earning money, and saving them up for the big banquet. I wonder how many people out of the invitees will show up… *starts pondering*…

Yesterday, the 2-day

Yesterday was 2 years anniversary for Chelsea and me AND 2 months working for the new job I was at. Man, the 2’s keep coming, and it is definitely one of my numbers.

Did not spend the time with Chelsea like I wanted because she’s on vacation with her dad and family. She’s coming back tomorrow and we’ll spend this weekend together. I can’t really write what I have planned since she reads my entries, so it’ll have to wait.

Other than that, everything’s been better. I feel I can talk with my sister like normal again and we just went for a buffet dinner tonight. It was good. She recommended the place.

Tonight’s short. I thank you all for reading. Yesterday, I had the highest read ever, 30. I think it might be some people just clicking the link, so that might not even be anything, who knows.

Blogs are meant for knowledge and for sharing. Information that matters to someone other than the writer. Here’s something I’m going to share:

Honor takes you a long way. In today’s society where trying to get the best results for the lowest cost might be important, but when you develop that mentality, honor is some times lost. Especially if you’re there to cheat people as well. Honor your words. It’s ok to take free things, they’re free for a reason, but for those that’s not, don’t. I’ve been keeping up with some spec design site. People hold competition for designers to do job and “pay” the winner(s). Well, not all competition goes that way and the competition holder decides not to have a winner. I’m thinking they have someone to do the job, but probably stealing the ideas from the designers who take time to do it. That’s not honoring. If you want to take that design, then choose that person as a winner.

I can never work like that, not even if I want to put my thing out. If I do, I’ll build my own website for portfolio and do logos or web designs and put them on my portfolio.

Honor, respect, and most of all, honesty. Take that to heart, live life with such and not only will you contribute to society but society will notice and contribute to you.

Learn to Love Work and Work to Learn Love

Every adult out there knows what working does. It pays the bill to sum it all up. What about love? Everyone knows love, it’s a dedication overboard in a sense. With these two having nothing in common, I’ve decided to make this post of two separate things, only because the title sounds cool ^_^

I’ve been working at my new job for a little over a month and a week. At first, I was doing a lot more getting used to the time, place, and how things work, but as I settled down, I began to understand why some people go through the motion of work. It can be tough at times and it can bring in a lot of thought on one specific thing. I’m a web designer. Though I don’t particularly design web sites for a living, it’s part of the description. I don’t consider myself much of a developer, so it fits me well. But why should I succumb to work as being something I have to do to survive in this world because it’s what brings in money into my life? Ever since I started to work, I’ve always looked for a job that I enjoy. Something I want to do. People keep telling me, it’s not as easy or finding a job that they like or want to do is probably the most difficult thing in looking for a job that’s perfect for them. I say all these excuses are nothing but fat excuses. So you’re 15 and you want to play games all your life and test game as a job. Well, when was the last time you wrote a 15-page paper critiquing a game that you played and the ins and outs and everything there is about the game, from the gameplay to the story to the very art cover that attracts people to that game? I didn’t think you did any of those.

When I used to say, “Find a job that you enjoy and love.” I think I should have been clearer. I should have gone in depth and say “Find a realistic job for now that you will like.” In my entire life of working, there was only one job that I dislike and I picked it because I wasn’t working and I was given that opportunity. It’s not something bad per-say, but it wasn’t something for me. I cannot do direct selling and no matter how much you try to get me, I refuse. The reason is because selling other people’s product means nothing to me than an incentive that I might get out in the end. I make money from selling more items isn’t my idea of work. Then again, it is to many.

I have worked at a pet resort. It was tiring, filthy at times, and was also far away from home. That didn’t stop me from enjoying moment in there with the dogs and cats I got to clean and feed. That was the one enjoyable thing I found when I was tired. I have worked at an ice cream store, and though it was a small shop, I would say some of the friendship and the quality I learned from an ice cream shop carried with me till this day. I did not enjoy every customer who came in, but I did my best and as long as I delivered ice cream to them, that was all that had to be said and done. Those were jobs that I ventured before being able to work on a computer and sit in front of one and start coding, doing something that will eventually lead me to where I am, my career.

If I needed a job, I looked for the one I know I would enjoy. Something will turn out eventually, so why can’t some of the people who complain about their job do the same thing? I think what make the difference is mentality. From a younger age, I didn’t love what I had to do. I was told to clean my room, wash this, wash that, mow the lawn, etc… you get the picture. I didn’t enjoy them, but I did them anyway. Eventually, they became mundane at times, but I would always try to find something exciting to do with it. When I mowed the lawn, I didn’t really mow it in a straight line down the yard like how everyone says should be done. Who made that rule anyway? I started going zig-zag and some times cutting the lawn in half and then into quarters and so on and before I knew it, I have mowed the entire backyard by cutting each patch in halves.

What I’m saying out of all these rant is really simple. The little things that you might have overlooked could have made you love your work so much more. When was the last time you really try loving your work. When that happens, work isn’t just work anymore, it’s play. When work and play go hand-in-hand, that’s when you’ve achieve true love for your work. Until then, keep on pressing. If you really don’t like it, I suggest you stop working and start looking for a new job.

And then there is love. I’ll keep this short… you can never love someone enough. If you say you love your wife or husband or someone with all your heart, you are telling a lie. I’ve told that lie before, and I know it’s true. But to me, as much as my heart will allow at that time, it’s not a lie, but that is still an excuse to say I didn’t lie. I cannot love someone whole heartedly. It is  impossible. If you say you love more than one thing, then you will have to split that love up. In mathematical terms, one is a whole, and if one has to split up, it is not a whole and not one anymore. That is why we as human grow and we learn more and we show more than what we have to offer last year, last month, last week, yesterday, or even an hour ago. I believe we have been given the ultimate gift, evolution. Now before you start talking about physical evolution stuff, I am not talking about that. Don’t go saying I agree with the evolution stuff that science book teaches.

So, evolution. As human beings, we evolve constantly. Adapting to environment is part of evolution. Learning from mistake is part of evolution. Learning to say “Yes Dear!” or “No, you don’t look fat.” is part of evolution. Jokes aside, we evolve and we learn more every day. How then can we say we love with all our heart or whole heartedly? Nay I say. That is why we as human beings have to work harder in loving more. Learn more of what love can give, take, contribute, share, and so on and so forth. Love might be an absolute matter in itself, but as human, we cannot see how far love can take us. So work on it. Maybe next time when you love on someone, don’t say the word love… just show that love is there. Maybe then a little more love has been learned from either the receiver or the giver. Until the, work on learning love a bit more, cause I know I do.

Everyday Life Christian… or so I Thought

I started jogging. To be honest, I wished I could start running, but it’s been a while. I would say a little less than a year of not exercising. This is very much like a walk with Christ. We want to start running, but not everyone has that type of stamina. I know I sure don’t physically, that’s why I started jogging. For me, it’s the same with my walk with Christ. I have to constantly do it, otherwise I won’t be able to run anymore and when I look up and want to start running like when I used to, I stumble and fall and start to huff-and-puff. I know that I can jog and have positive results, both physically and spiritually. When it’s time to run, I will run, and I will take that time, but here’s one thing I learned from not exercising for a long time: don’t stop.

Once I stopped exercising, I gave myself countless change to become physically tired. I am not  strong, lack stamina in doing heavy work and worst of all, not living to my utmost potential in a healthy and happy life. In most people’s view, I’m definitely healthy and happy, but I can’t say that I’m the healthiest I could be and in that sense, I’m not at the best I could be. That’s the way how Christians should walk the faith. I for one is not excluded, but a mere 10% of our time is worth a lot more to God than we could imagine. We cannot do our yo-yo dieting with our physical body, it’s dangerous and bad for us, and in the same sense, it’s not good for our spiritual self.

So, do it a little at a time daily is better than trying to do them all cramped up in one or two days. If it isn’t the best for you physically, it isn’t best for you spiritually. Take that to heart and hopefully you walk in your Faith full-hearted the best that you can ^_^