Heck to Today, but BAM in My Face O_O

Titles and headers are great things. They pretty much summarize the story as a whole, but to know the whole story, you still have to read.

Today = SUPPLIES (shout it really loud and you’ll get it… or say it loud with a fake Chinese accent) day for me. Why? I don’t know. I can’t say why really, but it is. I don’t know why it has to happen today, because I can guarantee it wasn’t like that anytime since 2 months ago.

This morning while getting ready for work, I decided to try a new approach to my day. I was going to say, “Heck to what other people think. Why should I care if others care about themselves more? I’m going to have the day for me and I’m going to plan it all out during lunch, and I’m going to just have a me day. I’ll work for work, but other things… for me.” Yea, don’t do that, especially if you’re me.

The day started well. Had a team meeting, all was smooth and normal. Started working… and then lunch plan was cancelled. Decided to go to lunch with co-workers because we have to get something done for work.

There goes my plan to plan out my day O_O (First BAM! in the gut. Not too bad, still can go on.)

I get a call and I was told that there might be a position opening that I might be interested or able to do it. WHAT?!?! I have a job. But it’s still a good opportunity. Yea, I know. First, was told the person working there up and left without reason all of a sudden. Then they’re desperate to look for someone? (Desperate, really? Will you pay me $100,000 to work for you? I don’t think they’re THAT desperate). In any case, that brings about thoughts into my head. How can I leave my work place that I just started 2 months ago? If the job is a good job and I do want to go, I personally cannot bring myself to leave a company like that.

What about only for me day? Yea yea, that was thought of too and I can’t say that I was able to do that at all…. BAM! Second one was to my face.

God has a sense of humor, he would constantly remind me that there are people around me and I’m always thinking of others. I can’t have a day thinking about myself and all for me. I have to say though, my sister said it best today… um, I don’t remember what she said. I know I was going to quote her, but dam you my memory. Stop forgetting things. I was also going to quote Chelsea, but I forgot. Dam you memory again.

Well, there wasn’t a third BAM!! I calmed down, settled with the obvious choice… just send in my resume and see what happens. If it’s meant to be, why not? If it’s not, then why bother? I’m happy either way.

*Secretly rubbing hands together evilly and whisper o-so-softly* “Come on $100,000.”

Oh, speaking of money, the Florida powerball lottery sure is a lot of money. What is it? 186 Million dollars? I wonder if I should try my hand in it? I probably won’t, unless I hear the numbers very clearly in my head. Good luck to those who are trying and remember, wisdom will take you a long way. If I won that money, 1/2 of it is going to churches and missionaries. The others, well, they’re probably going to get taxed, heheheh. Whatever’s left would go to bills and debts and the rest is for me to live a relaxed life. If I don’t win it, I’ll still have money going to church and missionaries, going to tax, bills, and debts. The rest of my money I’m earning, they’re still going into my life. So, it really is no difference, only a larger sum.

I can guarantee something I would think of doing and BAM! I get punched in my face (not literally just so everyone is clear).

I love my life. It’s surrounded by great families, friends, and most of all… air. Yes, air. I can breathe and live with it ^_^

Eating Me from the Inside Out… is This Jealousy?

I rarely talk about my ex anymore, especially on-line. Originally, it was for carefulness with how I say certain things, but who really cares. Those who read this either doesn’t know too much about it, doesn’t really care about my life, just reading my entries because they came across it, know me from some time ago, or people who already know me. So, why am I so afraid to share my thoughts? I was always told to be careful of what’s on the Internet. What other people could do to me over the Internet. Sure, they could, maybe with words, but that’s about it. For those who already know me in person and still keep in touch with me, they’ll tell me what I’m doing is wrong if they know about it. Why should I not share? This on-line log was originally a journal that is to share with anyone who could find light through their hard times. Perhaps learning from something that I had to learn the hard way. A friend commented saying that I’ve always seem happy and cheery and find a way to make things possible. Why not do it like always right?

Now that my frustration sounding paragraph is over, this has nothing to do with my ex at all. I will be honest, I do wish my relationship with my ex is a little better than it is now, considering she is friends with my sister. We’re both happy in our relationships and why should we bother with each other right? True and point taken. Somewhere within me though, I feel like we just became acquaintances. Nothing wrong with that, not many ex-es keep in communication at all. If I were to see her in a coffee shop sitting there, could I possibly sit down and talk with her, or would it be awkward. That is where I would question my relationship with her, and I would like the answer to to be: “Sit down and talk with her for however long time permits and leave our own ways.” but I think it’s at: “Look to make sure it’s her… it is her. Buy my coffee… takes a sip… walk out of coffee shop and drive away even though I really wanted to sit down and enjoy my coffee.”

What I’m really jealous about is the relationship my sister can keep with her ex. I guess that’s why I’m mad, upset, and frustrated. I think that’s my jealousy on the surface. I am upset at the series that unfolds and the decisions she made. She’s alright with it though. As a brother, what should I do? I’m stumped and that is where I try to be as supportive but not overprotective as I can be. It is very difficult, as I question myself every time I think about it. “What is shy thinking? Why is she doing this? What nonsense is this guy doing?” Maybe she’s over it faster than expected… maybe she’s made her amends. Maybe I’m the one who is still lingering. Maybe I am just jealous because my relationship with my ex did not turn out the way I would like it to be and my sister’s did? Regardless of what the reason, I should find the reason to not feel this way.

I’m happy she trusts him, I’m not happy she made those decisions. I’m happy she’s happy, that’s really all that matter in the end. For her, I should be supportive and when she needs a support to lean on, I’ll take it. I’ll support her. I’ll do it until she doesn’t need my support.

I’ll do the same with Chelsea, and I’ll do the same with any friends who needs it and ask for it.

Dealing with this frustration wasn’t easy. Can’t say it is, but having faith in my sister is good enough of an answer for me. I always hear people say, “I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt.” I guess on the shallow side, that’s what I’m doing. It really is just trusting someone until that trust is broken. For a sister, why shouldn’t I trust her no matter what happens?

Well, time to settle things for myself. Maybe a few punches to the face will do.

*BAM! POW! PUNCH!* Take that jealousy. Now how does it feel to be all beaten up.

Well, guess nothing a good meal wouldn’t cure.

That’s it, nothing more, go read someone elses’ entries.

Linking Back and Forward

I had lunch alone today, like most days. It’s the norm for me, but something was different today. I started thinking about the what if situations, the good, the bad, the happy, the sad, the old, and the what’s going to be. Then I started thinking about the ones who has shown love to me throughout my life – my family and friends. Then I started thinking about who were my best friend in the different seasons of my life, the ones who I have not kept in touch because we’re going our own separate ways. Then I thought about the life’s lesson from each of them and from my family, then I thought about how all of these are due to time. Then I thought about time, what exactly it is… I couldn’t really come up with an answer. Then I ate my lunch… but that was just where the story began.

I was driving home when it dawn on me… time is an essence of what’s around, but what really mattered with all that I’ve thought was not about time. It was what time has provided and no matter what time is, there was growth throughout my life. I was thinking about naming this post “Growth from Linking the Past, Present, and Future” but it didn’t ring right. The title of the post really doesn’t mean a lot to some, but for a web designer I link a lot of web pages together. From the style sheet to the web page that makes it pretty and so on. In all my growth, everything was, is, and will be linked together.

Growth does not necessarily mean positive or good. There are such things as negative growth, but nonetheless, it’s growth. Then I thought about how I should promote my growth, now I should show that I’m growing from this time on. I’ve already started my next chapter of life, the one after college and the one where I work full-time, start thinking about a wife and a family happening down the road. Thinking about a ring, an apartment or house of my own, thinking about pets, about an entire life where I will be doing things for myself and for my family.

Then I thought about my own web site. Recently, I’ve brought it down due to it being quite boring.. I thought it’s there, I paid for that space, why aren’t I using it… then the idea of growth came to me. Why can’t my web site be what others use blogs for. I use blog to share my thought, but I could use my web site to share my growth… the dilemma is I’ve never venture to doing something like this. This is a challenge and I guess it’ll be growth as well. So, sit down and take 30 minutes to think of your growth, think of how much you’ve changed. Is it for the better or worse. Be truthful to yourself. That’s when you will see the truth about your growth, and mayhaps you will make your future growth worth while.

Remember, no road is worth taking if we do not see what is around us. For me, I like to look back. I hear a lot of “wise” talk about how we shouldn’t look back at our lives, how we should learn from them, yet we should forget the pass. I would think this is the bad side of one’s past, but I take it from a different approach. Look at the road you’ve taken, look at the footprints you’ve left, whether it’s in a puddle of mud, on a hard road, on sandy street, or even on someone’s face (that’s likely the really bad things that you’ve done), you took these steps to get to where you are now. Where will your next step be? That is up to you to decide and for you to find out where your step will take you. As for me, I am going to take this step in the right direction. When I get to the place where I will rest to look around, I’ll share the story of my journey. Until then, take care ^_^

3 Day Weekend – 4th of July

Today starts the 3-day weekend. What that really means is just one extra day of relaxing and doing nothing before I go back to work. I have to seriously find something productive to do besides playing games, reading manga, and watching anime after I get home from working… and then today happened. I cleaned a little, play a little, and cooked a little. I did cook for dinner, but those were from packets of things that are pre-made. Today, I actually cooked… and I forgot the joy of cooking. It was one of the few things that I dislike when forced to do but enjoyed when I was able to do it the way I chose to. Today’s cooking was fried chicken, rice, and green beans. My sister prepared the rice and prepared the chicken and sauces for the green beans. I was able to actually cook the green beans, which was a good feeling. Tonight, I had a good dinner and it felt right. I think I could cook for my family when I have one, but of course having to drive home and leaving at 6pm, I’m not sure when dinner could be or when I’d get home. I’ll probably be living pretty close to work, or I won’t be cooking as much >_< Such a sad thought.

On a better note, the pass 2 week, I’ve not really been productive with all the passive things I said I’ve been doing. Now, I actually have some projects to do. What it is at the moment is still not being told. It’s a hush hush topic and it will be good once it’s done… hopefully. Oh yea, it’s 4th of July and it’s Independence day for America. I can’t really say “Happy” in the front of it. I mean, it obviously is happy because of being independent, but did you know what the people in America had to go through to become independent. It’s definitely something. Well, if you take American History, you might learn something about it =)

So, have a great weekend everyone and stay safe. Don’t do something stupid and remember… be nice ^_^

UP

Today I saw UP. It was good. I enjoyed it and it was cute. I will definitely recommend it ^_^ Could have so twittered this.

Had a dinner party with my sister. Saw my ex. She’s doing pretty good and she’s happy with the guy she’s with, I’m happy for her. I’m also happy because I’m very happy with the girl I’m with. My ex and I don’t talk much anymore, but she’s my sister’s friend, that’s why I saw her at my sister’s dinner party. We both went our separate ways and we’re both happy. My sister is happy too, very happy… well, maybe not today >_< lol. It was pretty funny though.

Well, 2 weeks until a new employer. I’m happy and sad. Very excited about it too. Well, UP is a good movie and you should go and see it.