My Life of Roses and Thorns

I was always told I was the happy kid. I love smiling and laughing. I enjoy making people laugh. I love the random things that I do and people giving me a quizzical look. I even enjoy a quiet time of laziness where I just lay on my bed and look up on the ceiling as my fan goes round and round.

I’ve always had an outward of positive. That is until the negative starts to overwhelm me. This blog is more than just an everything blog, it’s an outlet for me. It is a way for me to put down my thoughts using the time I have. Using words to describe my thoughts (this doesn’t say much, since when I use my words in person, they tend to come out in a way that people take them the wrong way). I don’t know how some people do it, but they’ve managed. For me, I’m starting. This responsible life that I call adulthood… this road that will lead me through this season of my life filled with roses and thorns.

I believe that a solid foundation is a good start. I was always striving for a good foundation. I also believe in helping people out. There is no such a thing as too generous. What happens when generosity and foundation clash and having one breaks another? That is when life becomes difficult for the one who chooses to do both. Thus, the story of me.

This is going to be a little personal, but hey, I’m the one who chose to share right. I’m sure most have been in a difficult financial situation. I think I’m at that point where I’m not yet there, but it’s creeping up on me and I see it approaching. For this month, and next, I have vowed against buying any games. No computer or video games. I usually get 1 or 2 each month.

Here’s me. Here’s the world. Now, “me” is now put into “the world” without any coaching besides the idea of “foundation.”

That’s my situation. I was always the housemate who just paid the rent and bill money to the other housemate who did the real rent payment. Not too difficult to figure out how to do that really, but the discipline of sitting down and sorting these out was never instilled in me. Then, I’m all of a sudden paying bills for a house too big for 2 people to live in. Again, not too difficult to do, but the responsibility is way too big for someone who just came out of college and just got an entrance job. Now, I’m saving up money for my wedding that is more than a year away. Again, not a difficult thing to do… if I had all the money I’ve saved up that was spent on things that are other people’s responsibility.

This is where patience for anyone could come thin and perhaps explode. For me, It’s already passed the exploding point. My fuse has lit pass it’s exploding point and continues to lit inside of the explosive (if that is even possible). My mom had a time-share. We both co-owned it. My mom passed away. I continue to pay (since I was in the middle of college). Found out there was insurance on it and insurance will (or should) pay for it all when my mom passed away and reimburse me with the money I’ve paid for. Gave the insurance all the information they needed… over and over again for 6 months. Heard nothing from them. I’ve now been paying time-share for more than 2 years. That money was my savings for a brand new car since I was in college… and changed to my wedding since I got engaged.

Why shouldn’t I stop? Because the guardian who brought my family here to US has said he’s working on it and has a lawyer working to get this settle. The thing is, I deserve to get back the money I’ve spend all these years, and if I cancel the time-share, then I won’t get a fraction of it at all… to my knowledge. How long should one person be patient for in this situation? 1 year? 2 years? 3 years? 7 years?

My mom brought me up with a little pride about money. Never ask for money, never tell people our financial difficulties. I am a firm believer of generosity, but only outwardly. I would think that with all that I have done right, something like this would never happen to me. Being left aside by an insurance company who cares not about their own promises to insure those who justly deserve it. But with all that I have done right, I have also done wrong… and rightly so, an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.

In conclusion… the what-if of my life.

The money I should have would pay for my wedding, the money I could have saved up would get me a new car, and the money I could be saving would get me into a nice 2-bedroom apartment.

Heck to Today, but BAM in My Face O_O

Titles and headers are great things. They pretty much summarize the story as a whole, but to know the whole story, you still have to read.

Today = SUPPLIES (shout it really loud and you’ll get it… or say it loud with a fake Chinese accent) day for me. Why? I don’t know. I can’t say why really, but it is. I don’t know why it has to happen today, because I can guarantee it wasn’t like that anytime since 2 months ago.

This morning while getting ready for work, I decided to try a new approach to my day. I was going to say, “Heck to what other people think. Why should I care if others care about themselves more? I’m going to have the day for me and I’m going to plan it all out during lunch, and I’m going to just have a me day. I’ll work for work, but other things… for me.” Yea, don’t do that, especially if you’re me.

The day started well. Had a team meeting, all was smooth and normal. Started working… and then lunch plan was cancelled. Decided to go to lunch with co-workers because we have to get something done for work.

There goes my plan to plan out my day O_O (First BAM! in the gut. Not too bad, still can go on.)

I get a call and I was told that there might be a position opening that I might be interested or able to do it. WHAT?!?! I have a job. But it’s still a good opportunity. Yea, I know. First, was told the person working there up and left without reason all of a sudden. Then they’re desperate to look for someone? (Desperate, really? Will you pay me $100,000 to work for you? I don’t think they’re THAT desperate). In any case, that brings about thoughts into my head. How can I leave my work place that I just started 2 months ago? If the job is a good job and I do want to go, I personally cannot bring myself to leave a company like that.

What about only for me day? Yea yea, that was thought of too and I can’t say that I was able to do that at all…. BAM! Second one was to my face.

God has a sense of humor, he would constantly remind me that there are people around me and I’m always thinking of others. I can’t have a day thinking about myself and all for me. I have to say though, my sister said it best today… um, I don’t remember what she said. I know I was going to quote her, but dam you my memory. Stop forgetting things. I was also going to quote Chelsea, but I forgot. Dam you memory again.

Well, there wasn’t a third BAM!! I calmed down, settled with the obvious choice… just send in my resume and see what happens. If it’s meant to be, why not? If it’s not, then why bother? I’m happy either way.

*Secretly rubbing hands together evilly and whisper o-so-softly* “Come on $100,000.”

Oh, speaking of money, the Florida powerball lottery sure is a lot of money. What is it? 186 Million dollars? I wonder if I should try my hand in it? I probably won’t, unless I hear the numbers very clearly in my head. Good luck to those who are trying and remember, wisdom will take you a long way. If I won that money, 1/2 of it is going to churches and missionaries. The others, well, they’re probably going to get taxed, heheheh. Whatever’s left would go to bills and debts and the rest is for me to live a relaxed life. If I don’t win it, I’ll still have money going to church and missionaries, going to tax, bills, and debts. The rest of my money I’m earning, they’re still going into my life. So, it really is no difference, only a larger sum.

I can guarantee something I would think of doing and BAM! I get punched in my face (not literally just so everyone is clear).

I love my life. It’s surrounded by great families, friends, and most of all… air. Yes, air. I can breathe and live with it ^_^

Everyday Life Christian… or so I Thought

I started jogging. To be honest, I wished I could start running, but it’s been a while. I would say a little less than a year of not exercising. This is very much like a walk with Christ. We want to start running, but not everyone has that type of stamina. I know I sure don’t physically, that’s why I started jogging. For me, it’s the same with my walk with Christ. I have to constantly do it, otherwise I won’t be able to run anymore and when I look up and want to start running like when I used to, I stumble and fall and start to huff-and-puff. I know that I can jog and have positive results, both physically and spiritually. When it’s time to run, I will run, and I will take that time, but here’s one thing I learned from not exercising for a long time: don’t stop.

Once I stopped exercising, I gave myself countless change to become physically tired. I am not  strong, lack stamina in doing heavy work and worst of all, not living to my utmost potential in a healthy and happy life. In most people’s view, I’m definitely healthy and happy, but I can’t say that I’m the healthiest I could be and in that sense, I’m not at the best I could be. That’s the way how Christians should walk the faith. I for one is not excluded, but a mere 10% of our time is worth a lot more to God than we could imagine. We cannot do our yo-yo dieting with our physical body, it’s dangerous and bad for us, and in the same sense, it’s not good for our spiritual self.

So, do it a little at a time daily is better than trying to do them all cramped up in one or two days. If it isn’t the best for you physically, it isn’t best for you spiritually. Take that to heart and hopefully you walk in your Faith full-hearted the best that you can ^_^

The Career World

I’ve always heard the career world is scary and now that I’m almost there, it actually is pretty scary. I’m at a crossroad where I have to make decisions that has an affect on my life. Existential choices. What job am I going to make, how long do I have to save money before able to spend it on a little nicer things. Many scary questions when thinking about it.

I am worried, but at the same time, I know my God has a plan for me. A plan to prosper me, and give me hope and a future ^_^

Why Do Bad Things Happen to Good People?

Everyone who thinks they’ve lived a good live asks this question. It’s the question of “Why do bad things happen to me?” It’s the fact of life that good people should not receive any punishments, that they’re always good. Well, I believe I’m a good person, I also believe others that know me would say so too… but bad things have happened in my life even before I became a teenager, and it didn’t stop there, it continued one into my adulthood. So, why do bad things happen to good people?

I believe God is real, and I believe God is good. I also believe that He provides for all my needs and He’s there when I need Him. I know that my life on earth is not an accident and I know that God has something wonderful for me to experience in my life. I also know that I am here to worship Him. A lot of people ask, if God is good, why does He allow bad things to happen? Why is it that we as His children are suffering and he doesn’t help?

There is no easy answer. I believe that sin has been bore into the world and that we were born sinners. No matter what, our lives in this world is a sin, because of what Adam and Eve did. Sure, we can blame them all we want, but I believe that anyone in their position would have been the same. There is no “I know better” at that point, because they did not have history like us to learn from. Look at us with all the history we need so we won’t repeat what has happened… I think our minds are just weak and there is nothing we can do about it.

So, why do bad things happen to us? Next time when you’re about to ask that question, think back at a time when you did wrong. Think back of the time when you were spare from punishment because you said sorry. You might have meant it, but did you repeat that mistake? No one in this world in perfect, therefore there is no “good” people. We only see “good” in our perspective, to us, we are good. To God, we are only good in his Son’s blood. That is my faith, that is why I believe all that I do and that is why I am who I am. That is why I can continue to live even when hope is lost, anger is found, anguish is born, and death is in front of me. I continue to live because I know that my God is good, and He has a plan for me, whether it is for a day, a week, a month, a year, a decade, or a century.

Bad things happen to be for a reason, bad things happen to me not because I’m bad, because experience some times is the wisdom I need. Bad things happen to me not because I do not have faith, it’s because God wills it. Bad things just happens… what are you going to do about it?