Today’s Feelings… They Will be Yesterday’s Feelings

Today, I am reminded of Yesterday’s Feelings by The Used. It’s not entirely because of the lyrics, rather it’s the tone and the atmosphere that the song produces.

Today, I’ve been reminded much of my earthly-self. What I have on Earth, the physical, the materials, with all the things I have, I am not satisfied. Not because I don’t have enough, rather because I am in a sense in debt. Not so much dying, but rather bills that I am barely paying off. When money problem comes up in my mind, most of the time I’m reminded of one person: my mom.

Mom Posing

My mom was always smart with money and numbers. She knows the meaning of money within society and she knows that we can have enough of money, but she also knows the meaning of not enough money. She was the one who taught me how to live well with the money I have and also knowing how to manage it. I don’t manage money badly, but that’s another topic on its own as to why I am the way I am and that is a personal matter.

When I am reminded of my mom, more things starts stirring up within me. The lost of my mom did not come easy, and it still isn’t. I do not know what the statistics says about the average time a person will be okay with the loss of a loved one, but for me, it has only been 2 years (almost 2 years), and the date will always be within my mind. I am bad with remembering dates, you can ask my sister (because I tend to forget her birthday), but for me to remember a date without having to repeat it to myself is nothing short of a miracle… or despair in this case (I suppose).

Some times I wish I could go back in time, but life is never that case. Just one more “I love you!” That is all I ask for, but it will never happen. What cherishable (WordPress spelling check tells me that cherishable isn’t a word and it should be hyphenated, “Cherish-able.” Dictionary.com tells me otherwise. I think WordPress spelling check needs some checking of its own)… What cherishable time we have, I remember them both in my heart and in my mind.

Yea, if going back in time was as easy as riding a minivan through a time tunnel.

Tonight I sleep my feelings away,
tomorrow new feelings will be made.
Tonight my worries fade,
tomorrow your worries, I’ll take them away.

Birthday was Fun… Promise Broken, not Fun

I promise in this next post, I will have the image of my room up. Well, I guess I tricked you all. In this case, I have yet to take pictures. It’s not really difficult, it’s just doing it that’s difficult, especially after coming home from a day out and just wanting to play games.

I had fun on my birthday though. Turning 24 is a big deal for me. If you’re asking why, you won’t really get a direct answer at all. I mean, 24, it’s the age of looking into career, a new season of life, something that’s going to change the foundation of a person’s life. Well, maybe not entirely, but I’m at the crossroad of life once again. First from being a pre-teen to a teenager. Then from a high schooler to a college student. Now from a college student to being a career man. This is a big deal, especially when choosing a job or a career, the decisions I make to perhaps start a family in the near future. All of these are part of the crossroad. Mayhaps females have this problems more than males, mayhaps not… I’m don’t know since I haven’t really thought about this from a female’s perspective.

I have a great girl in my life now, and not only is she fun to be with and great at understanding me, she is also one creative junkie. I don’t mean it in a bad way, nor am I saying she’s the best, but when she puts something together, she definitely puts something together well, beautifully, and well thought out. Unlike me of course where I just go with the flow, start something without thinking about the end and just make something up in the middle. I like to think it’s part of my creativity, but it could very well be nothing but air.

Well, I was planning on staying up tonight just doing something, but I’m rethinking about my position whether I should do this or not. I am really tempted to, since after tomorrow’s work, I’ll be home and I can sleep all I want. Maybe it’s not a bad idea, since I have a lot of self research and development I’ve not done in a while.

So, to update people, I’m getting more into Web Programming. Sad to say, I’m learning a lot more than I am at school. I can definitely see myself as a Web Designer and Developer and as far as the idea of being in a game company, I can see myself building it up, but I won’t be doing much with the game itself. Maybe in the story team, but I can see myself overseeing making the website of the game and the company though. That seems a lot more interesting to me. This is also because I don’t have to deal with a lot of people looking for a real due date that people want to see progress. I only update with progress when the artists or the programmers have done their job. It’s definitely less stressful ^_^ What an excuse to do the less stressful job, but I’m not saying it’s any easier. I think keeping up with a site about a game, especially one that is coming up and people want to see updates and new content definitely is stressful. It’s just the webmaster doesn’t get yelled at or hated because a character is shown awfully on the website, it’s still the artist who does the drawing =P again, another awful excuse. I better stop this awful excuse rant before I ended up getting pick to be both an artist and web designer.

Python, PHP, JavaScript, XHTML, CSS… I have to say, out of all of those, I definitely do have a little more fun dealing with CSS. Of course it’s also something I am a little better at, so give me a break at my choice ok. I also researched and worked a little on CSS3, which I honestly hope gets implemented in Firefox 3 entirely. I also hope the next IE will implement CSS3 and also change the standards to W3C, not something they bring up on their own. It’s frustrating how web designers have to work at it to make a website look the same across every different browser. I also wish people out there stop using any Internet Explorer that’s lower than 7. I mean, if you have 6, just upgrade to 7 already. It’s free for you to download. You’re already on the Internet, just download it for free. Seriously, is it really that difficult? You can still surf your myspace or facebook or whatever site you want to surf while downloading IE7.

There’s my rant about programming and designing. I really do enjoy programming, especially when I get to solve a simple problem and it actually takes me an hour long while a co-worker would take just 15 minutes and figured all the solutions out. It’s a learning process. I’m sure there are things that I’m better at… O_o … or maybe not. Hah!

~ Matsuke

One Year to a Quarter of a Decade Years Old Times Ten.

That’s right, my birthday’s coming up. I’ll be turning one-year-to-a-quarter-of-a-century-years-old. How is your math? What if I have written it as one-year-to-a-quarter-of-a-millennium-years-old-divided-by-ten. Man, that is one long number >_<

V-day’s coming up and I have a plan for my girl. She’s not sure where yet, but she knows it’s a picnic. I just have to come up with what to bring to the picnic. I have been with Chelsea for exactly 1 year 6 months come tomorrow. Definitely feels longer though.

My room is finally a room. Not all posters up, but some are. I’ll just have to take images and put them up here. That’ll have to be in the next post.

Well, 6 more days until my birthdate… then I will turn one-year-to-a-quarter-of-a-decade-years-old-times-ten.